#1 Mistake parents make when they are upset

Talking too much. 

Stop talking so much. When you’re upset (or your child is) do you notice the fire hose of words coming out of your mouth? If so, then you’re one self aware mama.

Recently I caught myself doing this with my daughter. It was Wednesday at 5pm, right before dinner. She’d had a long day at nature camp. She wanted a new band aid (for an actual oldish injury to her nail that we’ve been dealing with). But she wanted one of the special colorful band aids that were all upstairs. All the way upstairs. They might as well have been at the next door neighbors house. I didn’t feel like going upstairs with dinner to get on. So that was the decision I made at that moment. I told her she could accept the snoopy band aid I had already prepared or go upstairs and get the box herself.

Have you lived this moment too or one like it? Yup she lost it and went on crying rejecting the Snoopy band aid. I on the other hand, felt the urge to go on and on about how I never got to have special band aids when I was little. UGH. I mean what was I talking about?! Why is this so hard!? I felt so unevolved as the words spilled out. But I just couldn’t stop them at that moment. There I was talking too much! She on the other hand had the determination, despite her upset, to go upstairs and find the band aid she wanted. 

How did I remedy this situation?

• I circled back at a later time (before bed works well) and apologized for getting upset.

• I let her vent without interruption about why she didn’t want the other band aid. (Even it feels so hard to contain “your side of the story” stay present.)

• Later go write down your side of the story and let yourself be listened to or scream into a pillow to get the frustration out.

Your child will have to learn to cope with lots of things including uncomfortable emotions like disappointment, but they should not have to learn to cope with your emotional outbursts. Its important to apologize for “losing it.” You are not coddling your child, you are modeling this important skill. You are teaching them to take responsibility for their behavior and have empathy.

Why do I share this “humiliating” story with you? You need to know that it’s hard to talk less when we’re feeling stressed and our child is upset. You need to know that we all make mistakes as we progress. But mostly you need to know that you’re on a heroine’s journey and you’re not alone.

Remember-The big healing happens if and how we choose to repair them. If you want to learn more about communication blocks to listening check out my freebie at www.illuminateparenting.com

Want to know what I did with the rejected snoopy band aid? I pasted it above my sink by the window sill to remind me to TALK LESS.