Correcting a child’s behavior

My inner dictator comes out most when I’m feeling tired or dealing with multiple stressors. 

If you’re here, you likely are aware you have one too. It’s the voice that says, “do what I say and don’t complain about it.”

We’re going to talk about correction, because this is often where that mama dictator voice can jump out and be a little scary. A lot of times our children don’t need discipline, but simple correction. I think of discipline, correction, and guidance as a spectrum of how to help our children develop into their potential. 

So- If you see a behavior that needs correction you can (after taking a breath) offer correction.

A correction has two parts:

1. Stating that the behavior is not ok. (Remember to be clear that it's the behavior that’s not ok, not the child)

2. AND give another option. 

No, we don’t do that…and this is what we do instead. It can be helpful to use the work WE because it reinforces the family culture of WE/togetherness. Correction is one way we uphold our values for our children to see.

Here’s are some examples from my life:

My 7.5 year old son is just banging colored pencils on the table breaking the tips. This day I’m a well rested mama and I say “hey, hey we don’t do that. Our pencils will break and we won’t be able to draw. We need to respect our tools. If you want to bang something you can go out and crush some rocks with a hammer and safety glasses and or go to the workshop and bang nails.” 

My 7.5 year old son says “shut up” to his little sister while they are riding in the car. I tell him “you may not speak that way. That is disrespectful. In our family we try to be respectful. What I think you meant to say is Bridget I am trying to talk please stop singing over me.” Then later when we are alone and I can be at his level I can bring it up again and empathize with why he might have said that but again reinstate that this behavior is disrespectful.

The most important thing to realize is that all behavior is an expression of a need, met or unmet. This can be especially hard to remember when a children’s behavior seems incredibly disrespectful. So while we sometimes or often need to correct a behavior, we also need to figure out what needs are driving the behavior in the first place. (More on this another time). 

I help parents navigate these kinds of micro moments in family life because the reality is that these mico moments add up to create out days and experience of motherhood/fatherhood. 

Developing realistic expectations and knowing what you can realistically expect from your child based on their brain development and how to correct behaviors is sanity saving and reduces frustration for everyone.