Stop playing things you don’t want to

“Playing pretend with my child bores me,” said Jillian. “I can’t think of anything more painful than laying on the floor and playing trains with my son. I’ve actually made a list of all the exciting things that could happen like an avalanche or earthquake that could end the game. There I said it.” I could sense the relief flowing out of her through Zoom to me thousands of miles away. I smiled knowing exactly how she felt. Because I, too, have gotten up 10 times in an hour to “use the bathroom” while playing trains with my son when he was younger.

Through play your child is learning about the world and themselves. So are you. You’re also learning about your preferences. If you don’t enjoy playing a particular game with your child, then don’t. I know that sounds controversial and cold hearted but here me out. 

You are the leader, parenting is hard enough, you can decide what you are willing to play and not play. It’s ok to let your child know that trains are not your preference. If they still want to play it, let them know that you will sit next to them doing something YOU enjoy, reading a magazine, painting your nails, knitting, making little people for the train with sculpey clay. Whatever. The point is, to shift from a child focused life to a family focused life which means that you have to endure fewer activities that you don’t like. 

If you decide that you don’t want to play a particular game, you can say something like, “hey I really don’t enjoy playing trains…but I’d really enjoy playing a board game with you, or dominoes.” What’s your equivalent of trains? Perhaps it’s playdough, or drawing, catch, or dolls? Whatever it is, you probably know it, because at the thought of it, mental and physical energy leak out of you. 

If your child just won’t accept that you don’t want to play that game and keeps asking you to play, it’s time to redirect. Practice problem solving skills. Ask them “how can we find something that both of us like to do? Should we make a list?” For more ideas on play strategies and ideas for connecting with your child, you can contact me for my guide “Can You Play With Me?”

Ignoring your preferences is costing you. By continuing to play the things you don’t enjoy with your child, you’re compromising your leadership and sovereignty. These small compromises accumulate and create agitation in your nervous system which can be expressed later as irritability, outbursts, or resentment. Often it’s very subtle especially for parents who are learning to reverse patterns of self abandonment. 

By stepping into preferences around play you are developing your leadership, teaching your child about compromise, adaptability, problem solving, and even how to cope with disappointment.