Adopting a growth mindset as a parent

My adventure as a parent coach began in my garage. I was in my brown stretch pants and paint stained button down shirt using the electric sander to finish the new wooden bookshelves I bought. The kids were asleep, it was my post 7pm mama bliss time. It was midsummer of 2019. I had a 5 month and 4 year old. After a long day with my kids, failed naps, and zero minutes of uninterrupted thoughts, I was listening to the audiobook “How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen” with my free audible trial. 

I let the words of Adele Faber wash over me. But then, mid sand, I paused. I began to get the uneasy sense that I was very underequipped in certain skills such as self regulation and conflict resolution and communication skills. Holy shi* how could I not have known this stuff? It was so basic and yet so out of reach at the same time.

This was the moment that I decided to persevere on the adventure, to create the family life and have the relationships I really wanted with my kids. I really caught a glimpse of what could be possible. But I was going to have to confront dysfunctions, overhaul patterns in my nervous system and learn tools and strategies. 

I’m here waving from the other side of the woodland path that just dumped you at the edge of a rushing river. I’m here to acknowledge that you’re on an adventure too. You’re finding out if your legs are strong enough, feet sure enough and curiosity deep enough to carry you to the otherside. 

In a culture and time that undervalues parenting, I’m here to let you know that I’ve created a space for mom’s just like you to get intentional about their family life. Five years ago in my garage I had no idea that I’d be guiding families to more peace and fulfillment. I had no idea that listening to that book would have such an impact and ignite a new passion for caring for families. 

Keep following the trail, the dappled sunlight, those moments of mama bliss. A rushing river is no match for a mama aligned with her dreams. Maybe it’s no coincidence that I now keep all my parenting books on that bookshelf. 

Adopting a growth mindset means that you learn to acknowledge how your capacity has been limited, have compassion for yourself and begin the journey toward growth. You believe that family life can improve through learnable skills and that you are capable of improvement through effort. 

If you’re struggling to change in your parenting and feeling like you’re loosing your footing in that rushing water, here are some phrases of self compassion that helped me. Choose one that most resonates for you. Write it on an index card or 3 and tape them up around your home. How we talk to ourselves with our inner voice matters. If possible, speak them out loud a couple times a day. 

“Other people feel this way too…”

“This feels hard because it is…”

“Even though I messed up, I am worthy of love…”

“It’s normal to feel upset…”

“Everyone makes mistakes. I’ll get there.”