How can I get my child to do chores?
Want to learn a mental magic trick that will change how you think about how to get your child to do house chores? I’ve changed the way I think about housework and so can you. The word housework doesn’t really capture what we’re doing inside our homes. Maybe the word brings up dread, anxiety, and boredom for you and your child? Or resentment and irritation even? So let’s switch to a new word–homecare. Ta da. When I use that word to think about tasks in the home I immediately feel differently. I actually have a desire to do things because I understand that homes, like people, require care. Thinking about the home as a “living being” with various levels of functioning like physical, emotional and spiritual layers is going to change the way we relate to chores.
When we relate to another person we have consciousness and awareness. We are engaging with them on an emotional level. So here’s the magic. When we want our children to do chores and housework, we need to check in with ourselves. Are we relating to our home with the “housework” mentality or the “homecare” mentality? When we change our attitude from “housework” to “homecare” we influence our children. Children KNOW how to care for other beings. They are attentive and observant by nature. So if you ask, what work do we need to do around the house? They might look at you blankly. But if you ask what needs caring for around our house? Well then you might hear ideas come flooding in. Words matter.
It’s important to understand that for young children LIFE is the curriculum. The simple task of folding laundry WITH YOU is magic for the 2 year old. And for the 4 year old it's a way they can show their competence. They get to practice skills like hand eye coordination, crossing the midline, stacking, and matching. The best way to get your children to do chores is to start with them at a young age and do the daily tasks with them WITH AWARENESS. Children want to see you do REAL work not just press a button. If they are older and you want to help them engage with chores, still do the tasks WITH THEM. They are motivated by connection to you. Giving your presence to do the task with them isn’t a distraction from your life but an investment in your child and home. At some point they will not need you there and have built up competency and a wonderful emotional memory of doing the task.
These are two of the best books I know of the topic of helping children develop intrinsic motivation that is required for “doing chores.”
Joyful Toddlers and Preschoolers by Faith Collins
Hunt Gather Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff
